Spurs might be one signing away from winning the Premier League, so their chairman is chasing... Ryan Sessegnon.
Alexis Sanchez to Manchester City
Pep Guardiola must be feeling impatient after his side took an entire 70 minutes to break the deadlock against Brighton last weekend.
That turgid display – they won 2-0, by the way – has sparked the Spaniard into life with what will be a £60m move for Arsenal’s Sanchez.
Who can blame him, really? He’s pretty bereft of attacking options, with only Sergio Aguero, Gabriel Jesus, Leroy Sane, Kevin de Bruyne, Raheem Sterling and Bernardo Silva to choose from.
The Gunners’ asking price has risen to £60m, which is a totally sensible amount for City to pay for a player they can get for absolutely nothing next summer.
Meanwhile, Arsene Wenger insists there is no chance that Sanchez will leave this summer, and that the Chilean might still be convinced to remain long term.
Good luck with that.
Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain to Chelsea
Yet allowing Sanchez to enter the final year of his deal isn’t even Arsenal’s biggest contract blunder of the last few years.
That would be allowing Oxlade-Chamberlain – a player they’ve ‘developed’ for six years – to get into a similar position where he can demand a transfer or walk away for free.
The midfielder winger wing-back, irritated by his lack of playing time at the Emirates, has his heart set on a move to Chelsea, who have decided their title-winning team is really lacking a lack-of-end-product.
To be fair to the Ox, he has made more improvement over the past year than the rest of his career combined, and Wenger says he is excited about the 24-year-old’s progress.
Good time to sell him, then.
It’s surely now only a matter of time until Mesut Ozil asks to leave Arsenal too. Fire up ArsenalFanTV and brace yourself for a meltdown.
Ryan Sessegnon to Spurs
You’re Daniel Levy.
You’ve finished third and second in the last two Premier League seasons, won more points in the past calendar year than any other side, and Alan Pardew thinks you’ve got the best starting line-up in the top flight.
You’ve also won nothing since 2008, and your window for doing so might be closing as your star players realise they could be making much more money elsewhere.
Your supporters are restless, and you know that one or two important signings could be enough to propel you to the Premier League title.
So who do you turn to?
A 17-year-old left-back who’s made 34 first-team appearances, and none in the Premier League.
That’s Danny Rose off, then.
Jese to Stoke
Stoke are still the masters of the ‘Why’s he going there?’ deal.
Former Real Madrid forward Jese Rodriguez is the newest member of Mark Hughes’ West Midlands Galacticos after joining from PSG on loan, accompanied by yet another dramatic announcement video.
👀 We all need a bit of inspiration halfway through the working week…
We think this tweet will excite you all!#WelcomeJesé 👋 #SCFC 🔴⚪️ pic.twitter.com/FZQ7Zw3tw2
— Stoke City FC (@stokecity) August 16, 2017
The Spaniard should be available for the visit of Arsenal this weekend, when he’ll potentially line up against Sead Kolasinac – the man who caused the knee ligament injury that Jese blames for ruining his Real Madrid career.
That’s right, Stoke have signed a skilful attacking player once seriously injured by a brutish Arsenal defender.
The 2017 summer transfer window, ladies and gentlemen.
