Life is imitating art as the Gunners chase a pair of French strikers...
Alexandre Lacazette to Arsenal
There’s just no pleasing some people.
Arsenal are closing in on the kind of prolific centre-forward they’ve wanted for years, yet their fans remain unsatisfied.
Lacazette has scored 76 league goals over the past three seasons for Lyon and is still only 26, but the Gunners’ ambitious pursuit of Kylian Mbappe means nothing but the best will do.
Like most things, the situation is best explained in terms of The Office.
Arsenal are Tim, Lacazette is Rachel and Mbappe is Dawn.
Lacazette is great, and it makes perfect sense for him and Arsenal to be together. But he’s just not Kylian.
There’ll be no Christmas special-style happy ending here, though. Mbappe will stay with Monaco (that’s Lee), or end up with Real Madrid (erm… Chris Finch?).
Kylian Mbappe to Liverpool
Speaking of Premier League sides that play in red and have absolutely no chance of signing Mbappe…
Liverpool have already completed one high-profile deal this summer and royally cocked up another, and now they’re determined to fill the gossip columns again by chasing everyone’s favourite lad from Monaco.
Premier League arrogance always seems to reach its peak in the summer, when memories of English sides being booted out of the Champions League are at their faintest.
This year, however, it seems to be at an all-time high.
Quite why Mbappe would consider leaving the French champions for Liverpool rather than Real Madrid or PSG is unclear.
Money talks, but surely not loudly enough on this occasion.
Nemanja Matic to Manchester United
Underwhelming transfers are the order of the day, and Manchester United supporters might have surpassed Arsenal’s as the most disappointed in the top flight.
That’s because, after weeks of speculation linking Fabinho, Renato Sanches and Eric Dier with moves to Old Trafford, it’s in fact Matic who is on his way up the M6.
Of Jose Mourinho’s old favourites, the Serbian was surely near the bottom of every United fan’s most-wanted list.
This was meant to be the summer of spending that got the club back to where they feel they belong – the top of the table.
Matic – who is about to be replaced by Tiemoue Bakayoko at Stamford Bridge, anyway – just isn’t going to do that.
It looks like another win for Antonio Conte.
Alex Sandro to Chelsea
Don’t celebrate just yet, Antonio.
Chelsea are also in the firing line for what is sure to be one of the most expensive – and nonsensical – deals of the window.
It just wouldn’t be summer without the Blues spending big money on a left-back.
Filipe Luis and Baba Rahman were both shipped out in the past two years after enduring poor debut seasons, and Marcos Alonso also isn’t good enough, apparently, despite playing an important role in their title win.
Surely the £60m they’re about to splurge on Sandro could be put to better use elsewhere, like putting an end to the interminable Romelu Lukaku saga.
And please, someone, let Conte know that he’s about to go into another season with Victor Moses starting at right wing-back.
Laurent Depoitre to Huddersfield
Here’s Huddersfield boss David Wagner on record signing Depoitre:
“He is a proper striker; one who has played for a very good Belgium side, featured in elite European competition and who has won domestic titles.”
Promising.
“He scores goals and is a real worker too, so he will fit the ‘Terriers Identity’ very well.”
This guy sounds great.
“His attitude on the pitch is exactly what we need, plus he is a very good character off the field too.”
Well we’re convinced, Depoitre is the real deal. How have Huddersfield managed to pull this off? What a coup.
Depoitre’s record for Porto last season: 12 appearances, two goals.
Never mind.
